


Quiet

by metaphors



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, i am sooo sorry, idk this is sad, im sorry, its pretty long too, josh is stupid (but with good intentions), tell me if you want part 2, tyler is even more stupid and fucks up everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-06 00:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4200963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metaphors/pseuds/metaphors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quiet is made of colors, feeling and emotions.</p><p>Sometimes Tyler likes quiet, sometimes he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends!  
> So I want to start by saying that this is my first fan fic for twenty one pilots and I must say that it's not exactly comfortable to write it but I just had to.  
> This is long. I'm sorry.

"Tyler?" He heard him ask.      

But Tyler was too stubborn to leave his room. He could physically feel his heart breaking, like something or someone was squeezing so hard that it was literally falling apart.

It hurt.

He couldn't control his breath, like all the oxygen was being taken away from him and out of his lungs and body. His hands felt like fireworks ripping the pillow hard against his mouth as he pressed his lips together in a thin line.

 

"Tyler" he heard him again "Baby, please come out."

 

_"Is this Tyler Joseph?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Hmm..."_

He stood in place, hugging the pillow tightly in his arms and glaring at the door.

No. Nonono.

"Ty?"

Fucking no.

And then he angrily got up from the bed and opened the door, making Josh fall on the floor because he had been with his back against it. Without thinking, Tyler ran to the closet and started taking all of the other boy's clothes out and throwing them to him.

Fresh mint in the air.

Obnoxious fresh mint.

Anger. No. Rage. So much rage building up in Tyler's system. His body shook in anticipation and his teeth were pressed against each other, shattering, not of coldness but of irritation.

His own life hurt.

Josh just stood on the floor looking sadly at Tyler and letting him do whatever he wanted.

The quiet of their actions was unbearable.

"I'm tired, Joshua." Tyler yelled as he threw a couple of t-shirts to the floor.

 

_"Something happened."_

 

"I'm tired of coming home and not seeing you here" jeans "I'm tired of hearing you making excuses for all the shit you do" a t-shirt "I'm tired of you not answering my calls or any of my texts" another t-shirt "I'm sick of you complaining of whether I cook or not dinner and whether I ordered your stupid favorite Taco Bell menu or just some hamburger from McDonald's" a hoodie "I'm fucking sick of having to call Debby to know where the fuck you are and the answer I always get is _he is_ fucking _busy_." And now there was no clothes left inside the closet. No... Josh in it. "And most important, I'm sick of you and your stupid _I love you's_ because I know they are fake as hell, Josh."

It hurt.

It hurt so bad.

Josh wasn't sure what hurt the most: the words coming out of Tyler's mouth ready to crave into his chest or the air that wouldn't get to his lungs.

And Josh sat quietly on the floor, listening to him yell and watching every sign of him ever living in that house being crashed as Tyler collected every Josh's belongings and threw them away like a piece of garbage. Like Josh was a piece of garbage.

He couldn't stop thinking that maybe he was.

"Pack."

The red haired felt his eyes water and bit his lip.

So that was it.

He was just going to kick him out, even knowing that he had nowhere else to go because he had dropped his life in LA to be with Tyler in Ohio. Even though he called that apartment his home too. Even though Josh thought there was still something in Tyler's heart. But maybe Tyler's heart had stopped beating for him. Or with his.

What had happened to everything they had gone through? Had he forgot?

It angered him. It was eating him inside out and chewing every fiber and muscle tissue of his goddamned body. He couldn't just sit back and watch the show like a grounded child. Jesus Christ, they were adults. And they were not acting like it.

"Goddamit, Tyler!" Josh finally yelled after quickly getting up. It was his turn to be tired and sick. "You know what?" he let it out "You are so selfish sometimes!" he was doing it. He pretended he didn't catch Tyler slightly flinch in his spot, trying his best to look tough and glaring at Josh. "You only think of yourself. Have you stopped a second from your crazy marathons to think that maybe I am fucking tired too?"

Tyler rolled his eyes and grabbed the pillow to throw at Josh, letting out an angry scream of fierceness. But this time Josh catches the object in his hands.

"No." he firmly says, putting the pillow back on the bed "It's my turn now, and you're going to fucking listen to me."

 

_"I'm sorry, what do you mean?"_

 

"I'm sick of your assumptions. You think you're always right in every occasion, but guess what, Tyler, you're not. God, Tyler, you're not! About the food, ok, so what? But so you know, I've never ordered you to cook dinner, in fact, I did it myself multiple times. And who cares whether it's Taco Bell or MacDonald's, Tyler?!" he threw his arms into the air furiously "Who the fuck cares?!"

They stayed in silence. The quiet hurt Tyler's hears.

Quiet was too loud sometimes.

He looked at Josh's tired eyes and opened his mouth to fire back but Josh didn't let him. Instead he sighed and picked up his things.

"Look" he spoke in a much softer tone, barely audibled, grabbed a trip case and started packing up. _Tyler let him_. "I would stay and explain my reasons to not being here when you arrive and why Debby told you I was busy." he bit his lip and looked at Tyler again "But since you're so sick of me, I won't bother you anymore."

He grabbed his jacket and his case and walked to the door with the younger boy following.

That was it.

He opened the door ready to walk out.

Was it reasonable to wish to be stopped?

That was it.

That was-

"I hate you, Josh."

And in that moment, time froze.

Cynical quiet.

 

~~He now wondered if he had meant it.~~

 

_"It's about Joshua Dun."_

"So I went to the grocery store" Josh said, putting the bags on the counter before starting to take the things out. "And I wanted to get something for dinner since today is a special day" he opened the fridge and stopped talking for a second, staring at the contents.

"Anyway, like I was saying" he continued "I thought of making pasta, but like" he looked at Tyler who was raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend,  amused "we ate pasta yesterday at lunch and, even though it has been more than 24 hours, I couldn't make you eat it again and if I ate it I think my stomach would literally explode or whatever." Tyler giggled "And then when I had settled with chips, rice and beef, some lady took the last package of rice." Josh complained, covering his eyes with his hands, making the other giggle again "We fought about it for a minute but that's another story." Tyler laughed.

 

_His throat dried like he was unconsciously preparing himself for whatever it was coming. Like he knew what was coming. He didn't._

"So you brought Taco Bell." Tyler said happily, wrapping his arms around Josh's waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Josh turned around in his arms and held a bag with the fast-food restaurant logo in it, smiling.

"I brought Taco Bell." Josh repeated and kissed the boy, muttering a happy birthday against his lips as they let the words quietly and passionately speak for themselves. Josh pulled back, grinning.

 

~~Tyler missed his grin now.~~

 

"Hi, this is Josh! I'm probably working at the moment or making out with my boyfriend. Either way I can't talk right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back!"

*Beep*

Tyler sighed and ended the call, putting the phone slowly back in the coffee table. He shut his eyes close tightly.

His breath consumed the quiet darkness of the room and the cold air hit his body. 

He just missed Josh. He missed his warmth involving his body at night.

Josh hadn't came home to sleep the previous night and now, at half past midnight, Tyler was sat on the couch, blindly staring at the door.

Where were Josh's eyes?

 

~~Where are they now?~~

 

Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. Decades. Centuries passed!

And Tyler was still staring at the door.

What if something had happened to Josh?

No, Josh could take care of himself. He was strong. Right? Right.

And he wouldn't hurt Tyler.

He was fine.

Everything was fine.

 

~~Not now.~~

 

Then, a clicking sound invaded the breath taking quiet.

The door opened. Tyler's breath itched. And Josh's figure mixed with the darkness of the house and Tyler could see him take off his jacket and shoes.

"Where have you been?" He whispered loud enough for his lover to hear.

"Jesus Christ, Tyler!" Josh said, startled, putting a hand on his chest "What the fuck?"

"Where have you been?"

"Out" Josh shrugged.

"Out?" Tyler raised an eyebrow. The choleric quiet that only last two seconds crashed Tyler's mind. "Josh, it's one in the morning and you haven't been at home for the past two days! I think I have the right to know where my boyfriend has been and why!" He raised his voice, standing up from the couch.

Josh rolled his eyes and walked to their room, Tyler following close.

A trade of fresh mint left behind Josh consumed Tyler's nose.

Now it was not only his breath but also Josh's and their soon regretful footsteps.

"I said I was out, ok? God!"

Tyler felt his stomach twist, his head burning, his heart aching.

Cold. Hands.

"Have you found someone knew?"

Josh suddenly stopped walking and froze.

"What?! Tyler! No!" The boy got closer "No!" he repeated "Of course not!"

But why didn't he believe him? Why?

"Then why haven't you been home, Josh?" Tyler yelled. He sounded so desperate now. So broken. He didn't care. "Why don't you answer my calls? Why do you talk to me like I'm some kind of burden or an obligation?"

The red haired screamed and gripped his own hair in his hands, pulling it.

Black. Red. Inflammatory.

Tyler's eyes reddened and watered. He wondered if he could do this any longer. But he loved Josh. He loved him so much.

Reddish pink and smooth soft desperate lips.

Both of them held their breaths and stopped walking.

The quiet returned.

 

_The woman on the other side of the phone  was taking too long. Too long to answer._

 

The stars looked like little eyes looking down at them. Waiting. Josh's eyes matched them. He had beautiful eyes. Eyes that could light up the sky and create a rainbow after the rain.

 

~~Now Tyler wondered if Josh's eyes would ever do that again.~~

 

The fresh grass tickled their tangled bare feet and Josh wasn't sure anymore if he was playing with his boyfriend's hair or with the grass. Tyler could smell the fresh mint in Josh's shirt, with the head against his chest, Tyler laid confortable in his arms. He felt safe. He was safe. He could hear and feel Josh's heart beating fast.

~~Now he just saw a line with ups and downs on a screen.~~

 

"What do you think we are here for?" Tyler asked quietly, breaking their silence. He looked up at Josh who was already staring at him. They could hear the water running on the river a few feet away.

"I don't know." he whispered, so quietly Tyler was sure he wouldn't have understood if he hadn't seen his lips moving. "Are you searching for purpose?"

Tyler bit his lower lip and played with a button of Josh's shirt. "Yeah" he whispered back, just a little bit louder than him.

They fell into silence once again. Silence was good, Tyler thought, quiet was not violent. Not with Josh.

 

~~Though it is now.~~

 

"Aren't you curious?" Tyler asked "I mean, what is it like to die? Have you ever though about it?"

Josh didn't answer right then. He continued to pet Tyler's hair lovingly and then his fingers traced a soft path in his bare arms, sending shivers to Tyler's body. The boy let out an unconscious moan at the small gesture and pressed his body even closer to his lover.

Pleasant quiet.

"I think... I think when we die, we just stop physically existing." Josh said and stopped caressing Tyler's body to think for a moment, just to move his hand inside the singer's shirt and placing it above his hips. "I think about dying but I don't want to die. In fact, it's quite the opposite." he let out a small chuckle and looked at Tyler's lips instead of at his brown eyes.

 

_"Mister Joseph,-"_

 

"Are you afraid?"

 

_"There's been an accident."_

 

"No."

And Josh crashed their lips together hungrily, after answering. Like that was the last time they were ever going to see each other again. They held onto each other desperately. Needing each other more then air and water. Because the air and the water would certainly be there for as long as they live. But will they be there living?

 

_Tyler took a taxi. He wasn't going to drive in his state. When he arrived he rushed to the room as fast as he could. But his feet wouldn't keep up with his mind and heart._

_He just needed one more touch._

_God. He was so stupid._

 

"Come live with me."

The question rolled out of his lips like a waterfall ready to spill Josh down through it. It felt foreign to Tyler. It felt cynical in a good way. (How can cynical be good?)

"Live with you?" He heard Josh chuckle, his breath hitting the speaker of the phone. It also felt foreign to Josh. "Tyler I'm in LA! How in the world do you expect me to just drop everything and fly off to Ohio to live with you?"

Tyler swallowed dry and bit his lip.

Bitter silence.

He would do anything. Anything to be with Josh.

He moved from his sitting position in his chair in front of the keyboard and walked to bed to lay there. It would be so nice to have Josh curled up next to him, embracing him in his strong arms, to wake up every morning to a sleepy red haired boy, to have pillow fights every now and then, movie marathons...

 

~~He would do anything now. He can't do anything now.~~

 

"Come on, Josh" Tyler pleaded softly "Just come, please."

 

 _ ~~Please~~_.

 

Josh sighed. "I have a job here, Tyler, I can't."

No. It was too violent.

 

_~~Fuck, Josh, you know Tyler needs you!~~ _

 

"I know, but we'll figure something out. Just-" Tyler closed his eyes and breathed in, smiling at himself, imagining his daily life with Josh.

Quietly he yelled at him to just shut up and get himself in a plane and fly to Ohio because, fuck, he has no idea how much it pains Tyler to not have him by his side. He needed time to be faster.

 

_Time was too fast. Please. Please stop._

 

"-come."

 

_He literally yelled at the taxi driver. Because he was not going fast enough. The time was running and the stupid man wasn't driving fast enough!_

 

"I've got a migraine."

 

_Not fast enough!_

 

"Well you should know better than to go around climbing stuff in the concerts."

"I can't help it." Tyler replied sheepishly, smirking, and then wincing when Josh carefully put some ice on his head. He sat beside him on the couch and held the ice up to the purple mark on the singer's forehead. He sighed.

"Promise me you will never ever ever climb a thing again - not even the piano, Tyler."

The younger pouted and looked at Josh with pleading eyes. "But it's fun, Jersh."

 

_"Tyler, honey, you need to eat something."_

_"I'm not hungry."_

_She sighed. "It will be ok, you'll see. The next thing you know, your two are back together and you will be climbing again and he will be telling you to stop."_

 

Josh rolled his eyes. "Promise, Tyler. I get worried about you when you go up there." he explained "You can fall down and break a leg, get a concussion, or worse... God, Ty, I can't loose you. I can't."

 

_"And it will be ok."_

 

Tyler smiled apologetically at the drummer and carefully placed his hand above Josh's that was holding the ice and slowly brought it down.

Silently, he knew Josh cared about him. And oh how much he cared... So he hugged Josh like his life depended on it. And maybe it did. After all it had been Josh who caught him in time, preventing him from heating the ground.

He was some kind of an angel.

Josh buried his face on the crook of Tyler's neck as he hugged back just as tight.

Confortable quiet.

Pulling back, Tyler caressed his cheek and stared at his eyes. Josh's eyes were very pretty. So were his lips. And suddenly they were kissing. Their mouths collided awkwardly, without any kind of synchronization. It was just clasping their mouths together and watering each others lips. It was sloppy and definitely not coordinated, but Tyler knew they needed this. They both did.

But what next?

Were best friends supposed to kiss?

 

_"Where is he?"_

 

They didn't know.

They didn't care.

 

_"Where is he? Where's Josh? I need to see him!"_

_"Sir, please, you have to calm down."_

_"Don't tell me to calm down! Fuck! I need to know where Josh is!"_

_Perhaps he was being too loud. He couldn't care less._

 

"Are you still awake?" Tyler asked from the other side of the phone. Josh pushed the blankets further up to cover himself to the neck and adjusted the phone in his ear.

"Yeah"

Tyler swallowed. "Ok"

 

_There he was._

_Josh._

_He looked like Josh anyway._

_But the Josh he knew would be smiling at him or making a joke about how bad he looked with his hair out of place and his mismatched socks. The Josh he knew would be laughing or eager to their next concert. The Josh he knew would be hitting the life out of his drums._

_But the Josh he knew wasn't the Josh he saw._

"So you play drums."

"Yeah" Josh replied, not really knowing what to say. "And you play the piano"

Curious quiet.

"Yeah" his voice came out in a whisper, eyes landing on the old keyboard next to his desk.

"You've got to show me one of your songs someday."

Tyler's heart bumped in his chest. Fear. Excitement. "I do, don't I?" and Josh knew Tyler was smiling.

"..."

"What are your dreams, Josh?"

The said boy got quiet and Tyler could hear his breaths. He shifted in his bed nervously. He looked at the clock.

01:32

 

_He glanced at the clock above the television in the waiting room. 01:32_

_And no sign of Josh_.

 

"Music."

"I'm a kid with no plan B. I live and breath plan A, basically, which is music." Josh chuckled "I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I want to be able to show people how in love with the sound and the beat I am. I need to feel like I can express myself throughout the beat I make, you know? I want people to know me and think 'hey, that's Josh Dun, the cool drummer'"

Tyler breathed in and out. "Oh I can't believe I'm talking with a cool drummer." he joked.

"What about you?"

"Well I write songs." he started "And I want people to listen to my songs and know that they have something to lean on, something else to seek when they need to get away. I want to help people with my songs. I need something to justify my existence."

Silence. Peaceful silence.

_It was silent. Violent silence. He needed to hear Josh talk._

 

"Maybe we should start a band together." Josh suggested.

"Maybe we should."

 

_Please, Josh._

 

The guy smelled like alcohol and (weirdly) fresh mint.

And he looked like a poodle.

Nonetheless, he was still kind of cute.

The lights of the party made his blue hair turn into a shade of yellow and then switch to green. His nose ring made Tyler's knees go weak.

Although he wasn't drunk, Tyler felt every sound vibration in his skin and bones, he felt his heart bumping fast with the music beat.

 

_'It ain't the speakers that bumps our hearts it's our hearts that make the beat.'_

_It seems ironic now._

_Because Josh is lying in a white room and his heart is not bumping fast, and definitely not with his drums, not with their music._

 

"Having fun?" the guy shouted over the loud music.

 

_It was silent._

 

He smirked seeing Tyler's cheeks reddening when he realized that he was actually talking to him. Embarrassment. Tyler switched his weight from one foot to another and awkwardly put his hands in his pockets.

For the first time, the inexistent quiet was not wanted or violent.

Tyler thought about lying but he barely knew the guy, so why bother.

"Not really."

The blue haired boy seemed taken back a bit by the response he got."Yeah me neither." he agreed truthfully "My friend forced me to come and as soon as we arrived he was ditching me for some brunette chick." He rolled his eyes as he remembered and crunched his nose, making his ring move up and then down.

Oh Tyler's knees...

Tyler watched him, biting his lip. He watch his blue hair being lightened by the different colors of the holophotes and his nose ring seemed to be vibrating along with the music like it was enjoying it. And Tyler found himself thinking. He wanted him. Not in a sexual way. But he wanted him. He wanted to know his secrets, his fears. He wanted to know what kept him up at night, what made him eager, happy, sad or angry. He just wanted to know what was on his mind.

 

_Tyler walked up to his sleeping figure. He wanted to know what Josh was thinking. Was he dreaming? And what was he dreaming about? He needed to know what was on his mind. It scared him that he once could read Josh like a book and now he didn't recognize him or knew what he was thinking. Josh was just there. He wasn't even present, he was just... there._

_But he wanted him._

 

He barely knew the guy anyway, so what were the chances of seeing him again after that night if it eventually went wrong.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" the words slipped before Tyler could stop them.

 

_"Mr Joseph?"_

 

 

"Thought you would never ask." the guy smiled and took his hand leading him out. Relaxed quiet. Tyler shivered with the touch. He didn't want to let go.

_Tyler turned around, not letting go of Josh's limp hand. His tired red eyes bored into the tall man standing by the door._

_"I'm doctor Cruz" he informed him "I was the one who operated Joshua." Tyler nodded "I'm afraid that the patient's condition is very fragile, sir." Tyler gulped "We don't know what can happen now. It's up to the boy. But I have to warn you that in his condition... I wouldn't get my hopes up."_

It was a cold night and as soon as they stepped outside, Tyler wrapped his free arm around himself and cursed under his breath for not having taken a jacket. They walked in silence along the back yard of whoever the house belonged to.

The breeze blew on their faces. It was a cold night. Tyler kicked some small stones across the ground like a grounded kid.

"I'm Josh, by the way."

Tyler jumped and looked confused at the boy. He chuckled. "We didn't introduce ourselves" he explained "I'm Josh." He said, squeezing Tyler's hand. "What's your name?"

"Oh sorry" he blushed "I'm Tyler."

Josh nodded and they continued walking hand in hand in silence until they reached what seemed like old rusty swings. Josh was the first one to sit, silently, letting go of Tyler's hand.

"So tell me why are you here, Tyler."

Tyler's hand felt cold. He putted it between his thighs.

"I guess the same as you. I came with my friend Mark, against my will, and the next thing I know he's not next to me anymore. Similar to what happened to you."

 

_"Where are you Josh?" Tyler whispered, raising Josh's hand to his lips and placing soft kisses on his knuckles. He pretended he didn't feel the tear running down his face. "I miss you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said to you. I'm not... I'm not sick of you, Josh. Please."_

 

Josh nodded.

_Suddenly the machine started beeping. Loud. Violently interrupting the silence engulfed by Tyler's sobs. Tyler yelled frankly for help. And he was taken away from Josh._

"So who are you, Tyler?"

The question caught him off guard. What was he supposed to answer? He shrugged. Because, honestly, who was he? Just someone. One more person to add to the 7 billion people in the world.

"Come on, man" Josh insisted but Tyler just looked down at his shoes as he slowly swung back and forth "Here, I'm gonna tell you who I am." At this, curiously, Tyler immediately looked up and Josh smiled again (something that seemed he had been doing a lot that night).

 

~~Not now. He wasn't doing it now.~~

 

"My name is Joshua William Dun. I'm not really important to the world, but I sure as hell am the biggest Mario Kart champion. No one beats me." he joked and Tyler laughed.

 

_"How is he? What happened? Is he ok?" Tyler fired as soon as he saw doctor Cruz walking out of Josh's room._

 

"I'm also a drummer and I kinda play the trumpet. Though I haven't played it in a while... But I guess drums are pretty much my life. I could spend days playing it. I do actually, when my neighbor goes on vacation."

"You're still no one" Tyler heard himself whisper.

 

_"I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but Joshua is brain dead."_

 

"Why?"

 

 _No_.

 

"You're not important. Not to the world. Only 100 people out of the 7 billion that exist know you. You haven't done anything brilliant or worth value to others. You're just yourself... Just like me. It would be the same if we weren't here. People wouldn't know, wouldn't care."

"Why are we here then?" Josh asked, raising an eyebrow.

Tyler shivered and whispered "I don't know."

Josh noticed Tyler hugging himself, his teeth shattering. He got up and took off his jacket, putting it around Tyler who grabbed it almost immediately, letting warm consume him.

They swung uncoordinatedly, but neither of them lifting their feet up from the ground. Josh rested his head on the rope of the swing, looking into distance.

"Do you think this is the last time we are ever going to see each other?" Tyler blurted out, surprising himself.

 

_"What? No! No!" Tyler pulled his own hair hard and looked around him. Everybody seemed so calm, how could they? There was a person brain dead - not any person, Josh. Didn't they care? "That can't be right. There must be something you've done wrong. Josh isn't -" Tyler paused realizing what he was about to say. There had to be something wrong, some medical error, anything. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not to him, not to Josh. Why Josh? Why them? Of every people? It wasn't fair. Josh had still so much to live. They hadn't gotten married - Josh had promised they would get married._

_No. Tyler refused to accept it._

_Josh Dun wasn't... no._

_It was impossible._

 

"You know, my math's teacher once told me that in the scale of eternity, every impossibility is more than certain. Everything that is impossible to happen, happens."

 

_"I have to say that the only humanly thing you could do would be to turn off the machine."_

Tyler nod and gripped the jacket tightly _._

_"So you want us to kill him?" Tyler spat "Do the dirty work for you?"_

Cinnamon. 

It was not fresh mint anymore.

It was cinnamon.

 

_"That's not what I'm saying."_

 

Did that mean that Tyler had to get used to cinnamon instead of fresh mint?

 

_"No, what you're saying is that you didn't do your fucking job right and because of that you're asking me to kill my boyfriend!"_

 

No.

_"Well news flash, buddy, I am not doing it. I refuse to kill the only thing that matters to me and that ever loved me. I am not turning off a stupid machine."_

 

He didn't want to get used to it.

 

_"Josh is strong."_

 

He refused to get used to it.

 

_"Josh is strong."_

_He didn't know who he was trying to convince: him or the others._

 

The quiet of the room scared him this time. He wanted - no - he needed Josh's touch. He needed desperately to feel Josh's fingers traveling his body, memorizing each and every trace of it. He wanted to feel his body pressed against his own. He needed to feel Josh's tongue discovering places of his body that not even he knew existed. But Josh was too stubborn because he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't breath on his own, he wouldn't give Tyler a sign, he wouldn't do anything. And that was just selfish. Because there he was. Waiting. Sleeping on the same uncomfortable chair and wearing the same clothes for weeks, and Josh wouldn't give him what he wanted.

Josh was so selfish.

 

_"Is he ok?" He heard a girl ask urgently as soon as the rushed clicking sounds of heels stopped running. Hurtful compassion._

_"He's fucking brain dead." He told her, ignoring her lips trembling and her eyes closing. Ignoring her heavy breaths and her crying sounds. He simply ignored her. Because, like Josh, he was a selfish bastard._

 

"Fuck you, Joshua!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Regret. Despite. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!" His chest went up and down as he breathed heavily. Sadness. Love. "How can you do this do me?! I hate you! I hate you so much! How could you make me think you hated me too? How- FUCK!" He punched the wall hard.

Hands, neck, screams, cinnamon, pureness dipped in disappointed passion.

He was crying. His face was wet and sticky and he needed a tissue to wipe is nose but the only think he could think about was Josh.

 

_"He loved you, you know?" Debby said quietly, after calming down. Tough there were still tears in her eyes. "He loves you."_

_Selfish Tyler looked at her with a bored expression, silently telling her to explain herself._

_"He was not ignoring you" she took a deep breath and looked down at her blue fingernails "When he wasn't home he was-" she choked on her own words, like her mind was physically restraining her from telling him "he was looking for the right ring to give you."_

Quiet no longer exist.

Silent was just an imagination his head had created.

Because even if a deaf person can't hear it, doesn't meant the sound is not there.

You just have to look for it.

 

**Josh reached it, though.**

**Josh reached the quiet.**

~~Cinnamon. Not fresh mint.~~

**Author's Note:**

> Well... uh... so...  
> I don't know... the point was for you to decide whether Josh lives or dies in your minds, but if you want me to write part 2 and choose his faith, then please tell me :)  
> I'm a horrible person, I know, but I hope you liked it!


End file.
